Viva La Gabby
by jerseygirlinoxford
Summary: This is a little Gabby short for Ber's Easter Challenge on RW. Part Deux was added in response to Kathy's ReWard challenge on RW
1. Chapter 1

Viva La Gabby! By Jerseygirlinoxford (sue)

Ber's Easter Challenge on Rangeman Writers

Okay…this is for you Ber….because you asked so nicely!

This is a little Gabby short that takes place after Daddy's Little Girl but before Uncle Lester's Princess.

Ranger finished getting ready for work and began to look for the two most important women in his life. He found Stephanie in the kitchen sneaking bites of Ella's chocolate cake out of the refrigerator. "I thought I took care of all those urges last night, Babe." She peered over the open door and gave him a guilty smile.

"All I really need is love, Ranger," she told him before shoving a large piece of the decadent sweetness into her mouth. "But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." That and she was going to need energy to help calm down Ranger when he saw Gabby's new artwork. Even though Gabby's picture of Ranger and Mr. Salamone helped to land him the new account, Ranger was not pleased with Gabby's anatomically-correct stick-figure rendition. With some help from Grandma Mazur, Gabby's latest obsession with certain body parts was getting a little out of hand. Thank God she was too young for school. She could only imagine the look on the teacher's face when she saw Gabby's naked stick figures. They would have DYFS (Department of Youth and Family Services) on them in a New York minute.

"Where's Gabby? It's too quiet in here." Stephanie gave him a peck on the cheek.

"She wanted to help Ella set up breakfast in the break room." She didn't know if she should warn Ranger or let him see it for himself. Either way, Ranger was going to have a stroke. The Merry Men had gotten such a kick out of Gabby's drawing the other day that they encouraged her to draw all of them. And of course, Gabby being Gabby, she was so excited and more than happy to do it. Not only was she downstairs helping Ella, she was decorating Ranger's 5th floor office with her drawings.

"I'll see you on 5," he told her and headed out. Stephanie called the Control Room.

"He's on his way," she told Hal. She hurried to the bedroom to quickly dress and get downstairs. She didn't want to miss this.

The chatter on the floor came to a halt when Ranger exited the elevator. He nodded a greeting to Hal and Ram at the monitor bay. Lester and Bobby kept their heads down when he walked passed their cubicle. Woody and Junior ducked back into the break room. Ranger grabbed his mail and went onto his office. There sat Gabby in his chair eating a cookie. Steph had her hair in those cute little pig tails. She was wearing a pink jumper, white turtle neck, and pink Reebok sneakers. She called them her BeBops. She looked up and gave him that amazing smile. "Hi Daddy!" His heart melted. "I gots a surprise for you. Look!" She pointed to the wall behind him. He walked over and picked her up before turning around. "I love you!" She smacked on his lips.

"I love you too, Gabby." He turned to face where she had pointed and froze. The wall was covered with Gabby's drawings of all his men. It was like a stick-figured Playgirl magazine layout. "Fuck me," he muttered.

"Daddy! You're not 'aposta say fuck! You said that was a bad word!" Gabby scolded him. He gently put her down.

"S-sorry, Gabby." He was in shock. His and Mr. Salamone's picture was there too. He still had the smallest penis out of all of them. Damn! She was even more creative this time around. Some of the penises were erect. Some were flaccid. His was erect and still the smallest. He looked down at his little girl. She smiled back and stood there proudly.

"See Daddy…this is Uncle Tank…and that's his penis. This is Ram and that's his penis…." She continued on but her words faded away. Ranger suddenly developed a sharp pain in the side of his head. He watched her as she went through his whole first shift line up. He felt a gentle tapping on his thigh. Looking down, her smile lit up her face. "I drawed those for you. I love you, Daddy."

"I…uh…love you too, Gabby." He finally noticed Steph and the Merry Men in the doorway.

"She really worked hard on those drawings," Lester joked.

"She erected them all by herself," Woody added.

"They're all pretty well hung," Ram continued. Stephanie snorted. Ranger wasn't laughing. Connecting Gabby with anything penis-related just wasn't funny to him.

"And you gots to keep them on your wall all day, Daddy!" Gabby insisted. Shit.

"Why don't we go next door and have breakfast?" Stephanie suggested.

"Yea! Breakfast. Come on, Daddy!" The men went back to their stations. Gabby ran for the break room. Stephanie walked over to Ranger and put her arms around him.

"She really did work hard on those pictures," she told him softly. Ranger sighed.

"I know. Why couldn't it have been rainbows? I know rainbows are gay but…." She cut him off with a kiss.

"You would use a kiss to betray me," he whispered. He kissed her back. He stared ruefully at the naked stick figures. "And why is my penis the smallest? I'm bigger than all of them…except Tank!"

"Do you want to explain that to your three and a half year old daughter?"

"No," he agreed after thinking it over. He looked at the Wall of Shame again. "It's only going to get harder as she gets older…isn't it?" Stephanie hugged him again.

"Probably," Steph agreed, "but the unconditional love and joy that she brings us will be well worth it." Ranger hugged her back and smiled. No argument there. He loved his little girl with all his heart. Arm in arm, they went to join Gabby for breakfast.

The End…..for now

Word count 993

okay if fixed this. don't know what happened to all my punctuation when i first posted this.


	2. Chapter 2

Viva La Gabby…Part Deux by jerseygirlinoxford (sue)

Okay…I know I said that this was a one-shot, and it really was supposed to be, and I know I said that Gabby was taking a short vacation but…..I just found out that real life was kicking Xylia's butt around the moon. She really needs some happy right now. So how could I _NOT_ add to this story? Besides, the idea will fit perfectly with this story AND Kathy's very first challenge on RW.

This part takes place after Uncle Lester's Princess. I have to explain the background a little bit. Although this is a Gabby story, it's an addition to _**Justice for Kathy**_ which was exclusively posted on BB. It was written for Kathy for being such a great sport about being Mrs. Morelli and what she went thru in Uncle Lester's Princess. I will post Justice for Kathy at the end of this. Oh…I guess I should add a bit of a Cupcake warning. Although Ranger and Lester got beat up in the last 2 Gabby stories….Joe gets a little beat up in this one.

Stephanie was trying to get ready for her and Ranger's overnight trip to the Rangeman office in Boston. She hurried to get the bulk of the packing done while Gabby was taking a nap. She would be up any minute, and Stephanie wanted to spend as much time as possible with her. She had the TV on but hadn't been paying attention until she heard the news anchor mention Joe Morelli. "_…was rushed to St Francis after apparently being attacked by his wife, Kathy. In a remarkable resemblance of the Lorena and John Bobbitt story, it was reported that Kathy cut off her husband's penis with one of the Ginsu knives from the set he bought her for Valentine's Day…."_

"Holy Shit!" she exclaimed.

"Mommy! You said a bad word," Gabby scolded her as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She turned and picked her up.

"Sorry Sweet Pea," she told her as she gave her a kiss and a hug. "I think Mommy's going to be saying a lot of bad words today." Gabby giggled. "Did you have a good nap?" Gabby smiled and nodded.

"Can I have a cookie?" Steph sat her in her booster seat at the breakfast bar.

"You can have a cookie _and_ some chocolate milk…how is that?"

"Yea! Chocolate milk!" Gabby cheered. After Steph set out Gabby's snack, the house phone rang. Steph answered it on speaker phone.

"Stephanie! Oh my God! You have to get me out of here!" Kathy Morelli cried.

"Kathy…slow down. What happened? Is Joe alright?"

"I don't know what came over me. I was just going to throw him out…I swear. I found out that bastard gave me the clap! And when I confronted him, he tried to deny it. Next thing I knew I was like John Belushi as that Samurai deli guy swinging one of those damn Ginsu knives…" They heard Kathy take a deep breath and blow it out. "Then…there was all this blood and a woman screaming. I realized it was Joe screaming. I don't know….I just panicked and took off. Steph…can you bail me out?" Kathy began to cry. "I knew I had to turn myself in. So when I was driving back to the police station, I realized I had his stupid…_clap_-dick still in my hand. Lying…cheating…no-good bastard! I threw it out the window. They've got all these people out looking for it."

"Kathy, I'll be down there as soon as I can. I'll call Vinnie. We'll get you out of there." She disconnected the call.

"Aunt Kathy's gonna clap? Yea!" Gabby cheered as she applauded. Steph bit back a smile as she dialed the Control Room.

"Not that kind of clap, Gabby," Steph told her. "Oh…hi Bobby…yeah, Kathy just called me. Can you watch Gabby for a little while? I have to go bail her out….Great! I'll gather up some snacks and things to keep her busy. I won't be long." Stephanie grabbed Gabby's crayons, paper, coloring books, and some Pepperidge Farm Goldfish and threw it into her Snoopy tote bag. "Gabby, I have to go help Aunt Kathy, but I won't be too long. Uncle Bobby is going to watch you for a little while."

"Okay, Mommy. Then can we go to McDonalds?" Stephanie smiled to herself. Ranger hated McDonalds. But he was such a wuss when it came to their daughter.

"_Of course_ we can go to McDonalds. You can feed Daddy some Chicken McNuggets," Steph offered. "You know how much he likes that."

"Yea! Chicken Nuggets! Daddy always makes that silly face when he eats all those nuggets I give him!" That was caused by his _temple_ rejecting the grease. Oh yeah…Ranger was so going to punish her later for that one. Steph was so looking forward to that! Gabby ran to her room to get her new Reeboks. Lester bought her a pair that the heels light up with each step. He was out shopping for an engagement ring for Kym and saw them in the window of Lady Footlocker. Gabby went crazy over her new 'Beebops'. She had to show everyone how her _'feets' gots lights in them_ and forced them to watch her run around. Stephanie and Ella got such a kick out of Gabby having all of Rangeman wrapped around her little finger. Having Ranger's power of persuasion and Steph's determination, Gabby certainly was a force of nature…with huge brown eyes and cute little pig tails. Steph put on her sneakers. "Mommy! Look!" She ran around the couch to show Steph the lights.

"Those are some hot Beebops, Gabby," Steph agreed with a snort. Stephanie had never really been interested in having children. Gabby was an accident, but now she couldn't imagine her life without her. She grabbed her bag, the Snoopy tote, and Gabby's hand.

"Gabby on deck!" Ram yelled to everyone as they exited the elevator on the 5th floor. The Merry Men implemented this plan to help prevent expanding Gabby's ever-growing vocabulary. And to help protect themselves from the Wrath of Ranger if he ever found out who taught her a new word. Bobby was sitting with Hal and Ram who were watching the monitors. Gabby ran over to them.

"Hey…look at my feets!" She ran around their chairs as they watched her sneakers light up.

"What's wrong with your feets?" Ram teased. Gabby stopped in front on him and put her hands on her hips.

"They gots lights on my new Beebops that Uncle Lester gots for me, dumb ass!" Hal and Bobby turned their heads so she couldn't see them laughing. Stephanie sighed.

"Gabby…didn't we tell you that's a bad word?"

"Daddy said _ass_ was a bad word….not _dumb ass_," she insisted in her defense.

"She's got you there, Steph," Bobby joked. Stephanie rolled her eyes. She handed Bobby the bag.

"I won't be that long. I'll have my cell if you need me. Ranger won't be home till dinner time," Steph explained.

"We'll be fine, Steph. It's only for a little while…how hard can it be?" Bobby assured her. Yeah….Steph thought….famous last words. "What happened? It's all over the news. They have a whole task force out looking for Morelli's dick." Gabby gasped. Bobby winced.

"Uncle Bobby! You said a bad word! You're aposta say _penis_!" She told him as she shook her little finger at him. "Right, Mommy?" Stephanie smiled and nodded. She guessed the visit with Grandma Mazur was more educational than she thought.

"I'll tell you later….outside the presence of little ears," she replied. She knelt down and gave Gabby and hug and kiss. "I'll be back later. You be a good girl for Uncle Bobby…okay?" Gabby's head bobbed up and down.

"I will Mommy. I love you."

"Love you too, Sweet Pea." Steph headed for the garage. Her cell phone rang. It was Ranger. She told him all about what Kathy did to Joe. "I'm on my way to bail her out. Bobby's watching Gabby. Oh…be prepared to eat McNuggets tonight." There was a brief pause then an exaggerated sigh.

"Babe," he finally replied. "You are in _big_ trouble." Stephanie giggled.

"**Oh sure. Make up for being a bully by plying me with your body**!" Yea! This day was getting better and better by the minute. She angled into her Escape and headed to the police station.

Bobby opened the Goldfish box for Gabby. His cell phone rang. "Yo!"

"Bobby…it's Xylia. I'm at the ER at St. Francis. I think I broke my leg." Xylia was Bobby's girlfriend. He jumped up.

"What happened?"

"I was running to Barnes & Noble to get the new JR Ward book and tripped on this damn lava rock. Can you come down here? I don't want to be alone," she cried. "You know what happens to me when I take any strong pain meds."

"I'll be right down. I'm watching Gabby, but I'll just bring her with me. Hang on, Baby. I'm on my way," Bobby told her. He looked down at Gabby who was sitting in the chair between Hal and Ram. She was sharing her Goldfish with them. She was putting out one fish for each of them at a time. "Hey Gabby…Xylia fell and got hurt. We have to go to the ER and see her…okay?" Her eyes got wide.

"We gots to hurry, Uncle Bobby. I gots to give her a kiss and a hug and make her feel better!" she exclaimed. She reached for him, and he picked her up. He couldn't help but smile at her. He kissed her forehead.

"I know you'll make her feel better, Gabby. Let's go." He wrestled the Goldfish box away from Hal and shoved it in the Snoopy tote bag.

The ER at St. Francis was divided up into sections. They had a Fast Track area for minor injuries, a Pediatric area, a few Trauma rooms, and a huge area that was sectioned off with curtains. Bobby was informed at the reception desk that she was in the curtained area in Bed 12. The ER was quite full. There was a large TV on one wall and several patients had their curtains open to watch the news to pass the time. The top story of the day was Joe Morelli. There was live news coverage of the search for his missing part. As they passed Bed 11, they heard a small groan. "Uncle Joe!" Gabby exclaimed. Bobby turned to see Joe lying in the stretcher. He looked like shit. But then again, what the hell did you expect someone who just had his dick cut off to look like?" Gabby swung her arms towards Joe in an effort to reach out and hug him. He opened his eyes and tried to smile.

"Hi Gabby," he replied. Bobby raised his eyebrows as if to ask Joe if this was okay. Joe nodded. Bobby put Gabby in Joe's arms, and she gave him a hug and kiss.

"Are you okay you lying, cheeking, good bastard?" she asked. Bobby bit back a snort. "Aunt Kathy called Mommy. She gots your clap dick. I love you, Uncle Joe."

"Swell," Joe muttered in defeat. "I love you too, Little Cupcake." He really did love Gabby. But she was a little too much for him to handle right now. He gave Bobby a look of desperation. A nurse and an aide had come up behind them.

"Bobby? Is that you?" Xylia's voice came from behind the next curtain. Gabby's eyes opened wide and she gasped.

"Xylia! It's me….Gabby! I gots Goldfish for you!" She quickly kissed Joe again. "I gots to go see Xylia, Uncle Joe." She jumped up and ran across Joe's waist to the other side of the stretcher. Joe watched in horror as the heel of Gabby's sneaker lit up as it made contact with his damaged groin area. As Gabby climbed down the side, he rose up and uttered a cross between profanity and speaking in a foreign tongue.

"OHMYGODDAMNFUCKSHITI'LLBEPISSINGTHROUGHASTRAWFORLIFE!" Joe growled in a tone similar to Linda Blair in the Exorcist. Bobby reflexively grabbed his crotch.

"You're so silly, Uncle Joe," Gabby told him as she ducked under to curtain to see Xylia. Joe began to convulse.

"Um…should we call a priest or something?" the nurse's aide asked. The RN shook her head no.

"Nah….I've got a syringe full of Holy Water that will exercise _that_ demon," she replied as she injected Joe's IV with some Morphine. Bobby excused himself and went next door. Gabby was sitting in the stretcher with Xylia. It looked like Xylia had been given a little of that Holy Water, too. Her eyes were glazed over.

"Hi, Bobby!" she slurred. Bobby gave her a hug and kiss.

"How are you feeling? Is it broken?" he immediately asked. She shrugged.

"I feel lots better," she told him and giggled. Gabby covered her mouth and giggled too. "I just had the x-ray done so I don't know yet."

"We came to make you feel better," Gabby explained. "I just made Uncle Joe feel better 'cause I gave him hugs and kisses." Bobby snorted. Oh yeah…she made Joe feel just great. She hugged and kissed Xylia again. "Do you feel better now?" Xylia smiled.

"Yes, Gabby. You made me feel all better." Gabby gave them her heart-melting smile. Bobby did just that…melted. No wonder Ranger's tough guy image goes to shit around his daughter!

"What happened?" he asked he as he took a seat.

"I had to get _Lover Avenged_….you know that JR Ward series that I read? I wasn't paying attention, and I stepped on this huge boulder. I heard and felt some crunching. Oh my God did that hurt."

"Don't worry. I'll have someone get that book for you," he said as he began to pull out his phone. Xylia waved him off.

"Oh…I got the book. I made the paramedics roll me into Barnes & Noble so I could buy it. It's in my bag. No way in hell I was going through all that and not get my book." Bobby knew there was a reason he loved her so much.

TBC…….


	3. Chapter 3

Viva La Gabby…Part Deux-3 by jerseygirlinoxford (sue)

More for Kathy's ReWard Challenge on RW.

The demonic sounds from the other side of the curtain began to diminish as the Holy Water took effect. Gabby was feeding Xylia some Goldfish when they overheard the news anchor talking about Joe. "…._was reported that the missing penis had been found. As you recall, Kathy Morelli, who is now in custody after turning herself in, severed her husband's penis with a Ginsu knife in a vicious attack earlier today. It was discovered under a bush next to a hub cap by a team of blood hounds….." _

"Hey Morelli!" Bobby called over the curtain. "They found your dick…er…penis" He quickly corrected himself before Gabby could. Gabby smiled back at him. There was an unintelligible grunting from his direction. With everything that had happened, Xylia wasn't aware of the Joe and Kathy situation. Bobby could almost see the light go on over her head.

"Kathy cut off Joe's dick?" Gabby nodded and giggled.

"You're aposta say _penis_, Xylia," Gabby corrected. "Aunt Kathy called Mommy and said she gots Uncle Joe's clap-dick from Belushio's salmon deli! Mommy's going to get her." Xylia practically screamed with laughter.

"Oh my God! Kathy was driving around with your dick in her hand!" Xylia yelled over the curtain. She felt a gentle tapping on her arm.

"_Clap_-dick," Gabby corrected. This sent Xylia into another fit of laughter. Oops, the medication was really kicking in now, Bobby thought.

"That's not funny!" came Joe's irritated reply. "You wouldn't think it was so funny if she was riding around with _Brown's_ dick in her hand!" Xylia snorted.

"If it was Bobby's dick, she'd need _two_ hands!" Oh shit! This was so not the conversation to be having with Gabby sitting right there. If he didn't put a stop to it, his dick would be in _Ranger's_ hands…right after he ripped it off.

"Do you have a clap-dick too, Uncle Bobby?" Gabby asked him while furrowing her little brow. Xylia looked as if she was about to respond. They were temporarily distracted by two doctors in long white coats walk past and into Joe's curtained area. Bobby put a finger to his lips.

"Ssshhh," he whispered. He wanted to hear what the doctors were telling Morelli. Gabby smiled back and him and nodded. Then she gave him the finger.

"Look what I can do, Uncle Bobby," she whispered back. Bobby tried not to smile. Xylia snorted and covered her mouth. Quick…think! Coloring books and crayons. Yes! He grabbed the Snoopy tote and took out the distraction kit.

"Why don't you draw Xylia a picture?" Gabby smiled and bobbed her head up and down.

"I will drawed a picture of you, Xylia," Gabby told her excitedly. Bobby set her in the chair and lowered the bedside table for her to use. They could hear the doctors speaking.

"Mr. Morelli…I'm Dr. Johnson and this is my partner, Dr. Weiner. My understanding is that they found the remainder of your penis, and it's en route to the hospital as we speak. From what I was told, they needed to finish taking pictures for evidence at the scene. The severed penis was found by blood hounds. There was a raccoon gnawing on the base which was frighten away by the dogs. One of the forensic officers wiped off the ants….." He trailed off as they overhead the news anchor interviewing policemen at the scene. It was Big Dog and Carl. In a gloved hand, Big Dog was flashing Joe's severed member around like a dick puppet.

"Christ!" Joe grumbled.

"Well….maybe _that's_ why it was taking so long?" Dr Weiner muttered. Joe grabbed for his cell phone and angrily punched in some numbers.

"Yeah…it's Joe. Quit playin' with my dick and bring it to the hospital _now_ or I'll give you a _real_ puppet show!" He slammed his phone shut and tossed it on the bedside table. This perked Gabby up.

"A puppet show? Can I watch, Uncle Joe?" she innocently called through the curtain.

"He's talking with the doctors right now, Gabby," Bobby explained and put his finger to his lips again. Gabby nodded and gave him the finger again. Shit! Did Lester have to go through all this? He knew about the Mayor McCheese thing, the porn mags (which that bastard blamed on _him_), and Joe and Kathy's ER adventure. He decided to worry about it later. Right now, he wanted to hear about Joe's condition. HIPAA schMIPAA. Inquiring minds want to know!

"Well, we have to examine the amputated part to see how much can be salvaged. I was expecting a clean incision because of the sharpness of the Ginsu knife, but due to the nibbling of the rodents, the ants, and the Puppet Show, we'll have to see what, if any, we can reattach," Dr Weiner continued.

"What do you mean…._see_, what, if _any_? You _have_ to give me my dick back, Doc! That is _not_ an option. She cut most of it off. There's only a stump left….." Joe trailed off as he felt a gentle tapping on his arm.

"You're aposta say _penis,_ Uncle Joe. Dick is a bad word. Mommy and Daddy said it's not nice," Gabby softly explained. Then she offered him some Goldfish. Joe began to cry.

"Brown! Please keep her over there!" Joe whined. "I can't handle this right now." Gabby's little face fell and bottom lip began to quiver.

"Don't you love me no more, Uncle Joe?" she cried. Bobby was there in a flash and picked Gabby up. "That hurts my heart." The look on Joe's face said it all. Bobby really felt for the poor bastard.

"He loves you, Gabby. It's just that Uncle Joe is sick right now and needs to rest…okay?" Joe's shoulders slumped and mouthed _Thank You_ to him.

"You don't feel good, Uncle Joe?" she asked as she rubbed her eyes. Joe nodded. She swung her arms towards him, and he flinched. "I can make you feel better." Bobby held on tight.

"We have to let him rest. These doctors are going to take care of him," Bobby explained as he took her back to Xylia. And besides….he wanted to find out if the doctors think they can reattach his dick. He wanted to increase his odds in all the betting pools that would be out there. "Why don't you finish that picture for Xylia?" Gabby nodded and smiled.

"Okay Uncle Bobby," she agreed.

"Are you going to draw me, Gabby?" Xylia asked. Gabby bobbed her head up and down again.

"Uh huh. I just gots to find the right red crayon for your hair." Gabby was looking through her box and holding the various red crayons up to Xylia's wild thick main of red curls. She had it pulled back in a scrunchy to keep it somewhat manageable. Bobby loved running his hands through it. Xylia shifted in her bed. She looked over at the door to the bathroom.

"Bobby? Can you help me to the bathroom?" He immediately jumped up. It would be no problem. Xylia was larger than life, but packed in a 4'9" body and built like a brick shithouse. He carefully slid his hands under her causing the gown to expose her bare thigh….and that sexy dagger tattoo. _Schwing! _Oooohhh…not a good time. He knew Xylia could feel his arousal as he drew her to his body. Oh yeah….she was smiling seductively at him. This can't happen right now…not here. And certainly not with Gabby in his care. Xylia wiggled her hips against him. Oh shit! Think of….uh….think of…um…_Morelli's dick_! Yeah! Mission accomplished. Deflation in progress. Xylia frowned and rolled her eyes.

"Gabby…stay right there. I'm just going to take Xylia to the bathroom…okay?" Funny how they all had to ask Gabby's permission to do anything. Gabby nodded.

"Okay Uncle Bobby. I love you." God damn! His knees almost buckled.

"Love you, too, Gabby." He turned to leave and Gabby gasped and jumped off the chair.

"Uncle Bobby wait!" He whipped back around almost giving Xylia whiplash. "I almost forgots! I love you Xylia!" They both smiled.

"I love you too Gabby. We'll be right back." Xylia hugged Bobby tighter and they went into the unisex bathroom. Xylia quickly took care of business. Bobby helped to steady her at the sink while she washed her hands. The back of her gown hung open and exposed that luscious ass of hers and that Batman tattoo on her lower back. _Shah-WING! _Xylia braced herself on the sink so she could more effectively grind her behind against him. Bobby groaned. **She smiled a little.**

"**You are a manipulator**."

"**No**," she purred, "**I'd like** **to think** **of myself more** **as** **an outcome engineer**." Oh hell yeah! He grabbed her from behind and slid his hands up to her breasts, kissing her neck. He felt like he was forgetting something. Condom? No…he had some in his wallet. Door locked? No…locked in when they came in. What….SHIT! Gabby. He pulled back.

"Hang on…I just have to check on Gabby," he panted. He cracked the door open. Gabby was still sitting in the chair coloring. Yes! He closed and relocked the door. They had time for a quickie. Besides…he was so turned on right now, he knew he wouldn't be able to last long enough so Gabby would even miss them. He lifted Xylia onto the sink and his lips crashed down on hers. Pausing for air, he dropped his voice to a low and husky tone, "So? Where were we?"

Fifteen minutes later, the emerged from the bathroom. They got dirty looks from the older couple in the bed on the other side of Morelli. Xylia just smiled and waved. Bobby looked over to check on Gabby and froze. The little girl with the pig tails and lights on her Beebops was gone! He trotted back the stretcher and gently placed Xylia back down. Well at least he got in one more chance to have mind-blowing sex with his woman. What Kathy did to Morelli's dick would be nothing compared to what Ranger was going to do to his! He ran over to Morelli. "Have you seen Gabby?" Joe opened his eyes and shook his head.

"No…I kinda dozed off after they gave me more pain medication," he responded groggily. Bobby nodded. He rushed around the ER looking for her. Nothing. Oh my God! What was he going to tell Steph? He ran back to Xylia to see if she came back.

"Where is she?" Xylia asked. Her eyes were huge with worry. Bobby dropped his face into his hands. "This is all my fault! I shouldn't have seduced you."

"Uncle Bobby!" He looked down the hall to see Gabby leading a weasely looking resident by the hand. He let out a deep breath. There _is_ a God after all! He might has to join Lester at church on Sunday.

"Gabby! I was so worried about you," Bobby told her.

"Uncle Bobby…this is Dr Bad Word. He taked care of me. He looks like Bugs Bunny, and his mouth stinks like after Uncle Tank reads his newspaper!" she announced. The resident cupped his other hand to his mouth, blew out a short breath, and sniffed. Gabby let go of his hand and ran to Bobby's waiting arms.

"I'm Dr Dick," he told him. They heard a low growl from Joe's curtain.

"What's with all the dick docs around this place?" he grumbled. "Is this a fucking joke? First…I got _Johnson_ and _Weiner_ taking care of me. Now…you bring in _Dr Dick_? Who do I get next? Dr _Wang_? I don't think this is funny at all. Okay…I screwed up. I don't know why I keep going back to Stark Street. I love Kathy. I didn't mean to hurt her. But enough with the God damn _dick_ jokes!" One could hear a pin drop. The TV droned on in the background. "…._and in another twist in the Morelli saga….former girlfriends of Joe Morelli are in the process of posting bail for Kathy Morelli. Stephanie Plum-Manoso, the Bombshell Bounty Hunter and former professional cheerleader, Teri Gillman, are inside at this moment. Apparently, Morelli had left a string of broken hearts among the women of Trenton. Money and pledges have been pouring in to help with Kathy's bail and defense fund in this case….."_

"Yea! That's my Mommy!" Gabby exclaimed. Bobby smiled.

"Sure is Gabby," he replied. He placed her back in the chair with her paper and crayons. "Why don't you finish that picture for Xylia? Maybe you can draw one for Uncle Joe, too?" Gabby's face lit up. A page came over head.

"Dr Johnson….delivery on the loading dock…" There was an audible snort. "You're _penis_ is here."

TBC

Magdalync-Dick Puppet was exclusively for you….Love Ya Honey!!!!!


	4. Chapter 4

Viva La Gabby…Part Deux-4 by jerseygirlinoxford (sue)

More for Kathy's ReWard Challenge on RW.

The general laughter in the ER faded as Dr. Johnson joined Dr. Weiner at Morelli's bedside. He was carrying a small igloo cooler. Morelli swallowed hard. The moment of truth was here. The doctors both donned gloves then opened the cooler. Joe watched in horror as the doctors examined what was left of his favorite body part. It was looking a little _too_ purple for his liking. "Well, the damage caused by the rodent was not really significant…." Dr Weiner paused to examine it a little more closely. He smiled and showed Dr Johnson.

"What?" Joe asked nervously. Bobby had his ear up to the curtain. He and Xylia were so engrossed in eavesdropping that they didn't notice that Gabby left. Dr Johnson snorted.

"Uh…it's not bad. It's just that someone added a little….uh…_artwork_ to your member," Dr Weiner explained. The doctors looked at each other and burst out laughing. Joe flopped back on the stretcher.

"Everyone's a fucking comedian around here," he grumbled.

"Sorry Mr. Morelli," Dr Johnson apologized. "You have to understand. This is a unique situation here. At least the good news is that your penis is in better shape that we expected. They are prepping the OR now and….."

"Uncle Joe!" Gabby cried out. The doctors jumped in surprise. Dr Weiner's arm jerked upward, and Joe's penis flew out of his hand and over the curtain behind him. Gabby wedged in between them and climbed up the side of the stretcher. "Look….I drawed this for you." It was a stick figure minus a penis. Joe looked at it and smiled. He was unaware of Gabby's usual interpretation of the male stick figure body.

"Thank you, Gabby," he told her as he kissed the top of her head.

"It's a picture of you. But I didn't drawed a penis 'cause Aunt Kathy gots your penis," she explained. Joe slumped down. "I love you Uncle Joe." Bobby realized it was time to collect her.

"Love you too, Gabby," Joe mumbled. He saw the doctors looking around on the floor for something. "What are you doing?" The doctors snapped upright.

"I….uh….well you see…." Dr Weiner stammered.

"Earl? What the hell is this in my Jell-O? It looks like a penis….and it's smiling at me!" the older lady in the curtain next door griped to her husband. "How the hell am I supposed to eat that now?"

"Do like you always do, Bessie," Earl responded. "Take your teeth out." Bessie grabbed Joe's penis from the bowl of Jell-O and tossed it into the hall. Bobby was leading Gabby by the hand from Joe's curtain. The offending part bounced off Gabby's head and onto the floor. She gasped.

"Uncle Bobby!" she exclaimed as she rubbed her head. "Somebody _frowed_ something at me!" She looked around by her feet and spied the purple blob. She let go of Bobby's hand and squatted down, hands on knees, to inspect it. Bobby froze when he realized it was Morelli's dick. Gabby looked up with that heart melting smile and giggled. "It gots a smiley face!" Gabby reached down to pick it up. Bobby panicked and kicked it down the hall. There was no way he was going to let Gabby touch that thing. How could he ever explain to Ranger that Gabby had Morelli's dick in her hand? On _his_ watch?

"Brown!" Morelli called out. "Did you just kick my dick?"

"I…um…yeah?" Bobby hesitantly answered. Gabby giggled and covered her mouth.

"It was happy, Uncle Joe. It smiled at me!" She jumped up and down clapping her hands. Joe looked to his doctors.

"Why are you just standing around with your thumbs up your asses? Go get my dick!" he demanded. The doctors ran down the hall to retrieve the happy little penis. Joe scowled at Bobby. "With everything that has gone on with me today….why did you kick it?" Joe rubbed his face with his hands to try to hold off the tears. Bobby looked down at Gabby.

"Gabby, why don't you go back and finish your picture for Xylia?" She nodded.

"Okay Uncle Bobby." She ran back to Xylia's curtain with her pig tails flopping up and down. Bobby stepped closer to Joe.

"What do you think Ranger and Stephanie would do if they found out Gabby touched your dick?" He raised his eyebrows waiting for this information to sink in. Joe went to open his mouth to comment further. He stopped and slouched down in his stretcher.

"You're right. Ranger would kill me. And that would be the easy way out. Stephanie would wait for them to reattach it, let it heal, and then she would cut it off again," Joe agreed. "Then run me over with that damn Buick while I lay there bleeding." The doctors came back in.

"Got it!" Dr Weiner exclaimed. He re-examined the penis. "Still in good shape….except for a few hairs and some fuzz. Don't worry….we'll clean this up in the OR. You're anesthesiologist will be right here in a minute. We'll…." He wiggled Joe's dick at him. "….see up there!" Dr Weiner and Dr Johnson walked out. A young Asian doctor came in.

"Hello Mr Morelli. I'm Dr Wang. I'll be your anesthesiologist," he told him. Morelli began to cry.

"Why?" he called out….sounding pretty close to Nancy Kerrigan after getting wacked in the knee by Tonya Harding's goons.

Gabby continued to work on her picture while sharing Goldfish with Bobby and Xylia. Xylia started to read _Lover Avenged_. "I don't get what you see in those books," Bobby said. Xylia smiled.

"Vampires are hot. Especially Rhage. I'd…." She remembered Gabby was with them. "Well, you know what I'd like to do. And what happened in the bathroom is only an appetizer!" She waggled her eyebrows at Bobby.

"Bampires? What's a bampire?" Gabby asked.

"A vampire has long teeth…." Xylia curled her upper lip and clawed her hands. "And wants to bite your neck!" Gabby giggled and mimicked her.

"Anything Rhage can do….I can do better," Bobby told her seductively. Xylia raised her eyebrows.

"Well….the _proportions_ are the same." Her eyes cut to his groin. "The biggest difference is the….manscaping! Now _that_ is hot." Bobby grimaced.

"I love you Xylia, but I'm not shaving my pubes," he mumbled. Of course, this got Gabby's attention.

"How come, Uncle Bobby?" she asked. He looked down at her.

"How come what, Gabby?"

"How come you don't wants to shave your pubes?" Bobby cringed. Xylia burst out laughing.

"You can't shave my pubes, too!" Joe screamed at Dr Wang. "You have to leave me some dignity!"

"We are operating in that area. It's standard procedure and helps to decrease infection and complications. Quit whining….it will grow back," Dr Wang replied. Bobby drew in a deep breath and blew it out slowly. Thank God! Now when…not if…Gabby tells Ranger all about manscaping…he can blame that on Morelli, too. A few minutes later, Morelli was taken to the OR. The picture that Gabby drew must have blown off the stretcher and slid under their curtain. Gabby gasped when she saw it.

"Uncle Joe forgots his picture!" She ran to pick it up. "I'll save it for him." I'm sure he'll appreciate that, Bobby chuckled to himself. Stephanie appeared in the doorway. "Mommy!" Stephanie held out her arms to grab the Gabby projectile coming her way. "I missed you Mommy!" She smacked on Steph's lips.

"I missed you too, Sweet Pea." She put her down. "I got your text, Bobby. Xylia….how are you feeling?"

"It hurts, but Gabby made me feel better." Gabby beamed.

"I drawed this for Xylia." She showed everyone the stick figure with the wild red hair and one foot bigger than the other. "This is you Xylia." Then her little face fell. "I don't know how to drawed a 'gina." Stephanie rolled her eyes.

"Grandma Mazur has been giving her anatomy lessons," Stephanie explained. "I'll get her out of your hair. I really appreciate this, Bobby." She helped Gabby collect her things.

"How's Kathy?" Bobby asked.

"She's staying with her parents. She's upset about the whole thing. I mean it wasn't right, but I'm surprised someone else hadn't done this before." She saw the other drawing. "Is this supposed to be Uncle Bobby?"

"Hell no…." Bobby spat out and snapped his mouth shut.

"No Mommy. It's _Uncle Joe_. Aunt Kathy gots his penis so I can't drawed one for him," Gabby explained.

"Uh…he was in the bed next to us. She may have overheard a few things…." Bobby replied sheepishly. "You just missed him. They took him to surgery a few minutes before you got here." Stephanie nodded.

"You can fill me in later. You ready to go?" Gabby nodded. She kissed and hugged Bobby and Xylia goodbye.

"I love you, Xylia," Gabby told her. She took the Goldfish box out of her Snoopy bag and gave it to her. "This will make you feel better."

"Thank you, Gabby. You really did make me feel better today. I'm so glad you came to see me." Xylia hugged her back.

"I love you Uncle Bobby." She smacked on his lips.

"Love you too." Stephanie took her by the hand, and they headed back to Rangeman.

"Wow…do they have their hands full with her!" Xylia laughed. "She is such a trip!" Bobby agreed.

"If I ever have a little girl, I'd want for her to be just like Gabby." Xylia gave him her best sex kitten smile.

"Would you like to help me to the bathroom again?" _Schwing!_

Stephanie and Gabby were waiting in the garage as Ranger pulled in. They just got back from McDonalds with enough Chicken McNuggets to feed all of Rangeman. "Daddy!" She waited for Ranger to park the Porsche before running over to him. He opened the door and let her climb onto his lap. Bobby had filled Stephanie in later on while Gabby was making cookies with Ella. They had a syringe of Ranger's happy medicine on stand-by just in case. Gabby threw her arms around Ranger's neck and smacking on his lips. "I missed you, Daddy."

"I missed you too, Baby Girl." He held her close and angled out of the Porsche. He grimaced when he saw the size of the McDonalds bags. Apparently, Stephanie bought several 20-piece nugget boxes.

"Daddy…guess what? Uncle Joe's penis hit me in the head and smiled at me." Ranger almost tripped over his own feet. WTF? Stephanie had filled him in on some of the things that happened so he was prepared. He glared at Stephanie. She smiled back.

"It's kind of a funny story….one that I will tell you _later_," she tipped her head in Gabby's direction. Obviously, Ranger was failing to see the humor. "One of the cops drew a smiley face on it." The corners of his mouth began to twitch, and the tension eased from his posture.

"Hurry Daddy! We gots lots of chicken nuggets for you!" Stephanie giggled as Ranger winced. They took the elevator to the 7th floor.

"Have another one, Daddy," Gabby told Ranger as she fed him his 22nd McNugget. He opened his mouth as his stomach screamed…..noooooo! It already felt like Michael Flately was doing the Riverdance in his temple. Gabby continued to tell him about her day. He was trying to remain calm. Hell, the story was on every friggin' TV channel and radio station today. This was bound to happen.

"I think Daddy's had enough, Sweet Pea. Why don't you go wash your hands?" Ranger was starting to look a little green. As soon as she left the table, Ranger turned to Stephanie.

"What did she mean Morelli's _dick_ hit her in the head?" he hissed.

"Gabby startled the doctor, and it flew out of his hand and into some old lady's Jell-O. Bobby pulled Gabby away from Joe's curtain. The old lady threw it in the hall, and it hit Gabby in the head. That's when she saw it had the smiley face on it. Anyway….Bobby kicked it away from her because he was afraid Gabby might pick it up." Stephanie took a deep breath and held it. She was waiting for the shit storm. But it didn't come. Ranger's shoulders shook. Then he snorted.

"Normally….I would have to kill someone. But that was funny," he told her calmly. "I'm not all that happy that Morelli's dick touched my 3 and a half year old daughter. But just the idea of Morelli's dick get bounced around like a pinball machine is classic." He broke out into a huge grin. "How's he doing anyway?" Stephanie shrugged.

"I know he just got out of surgery, but time will tell if it ever….works again." Ranger shuddered at the thought. Gabby came running back. She climbed in Ranger's lap. She clawed her hands, curled back her lip, and growled at Ranger.

"I'm a Bampire," she told him, "and I'm gonna shave your pubes!" Steph clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh. Ranger closed his eyes. It looked like he was silently counting to calm himself. "I love you Daddy." He sighed.

"I love you too, Gabby." He kissed the top of her head and set her down. He slowly got up and headed to the door.

"Where are you going?" Steph asked him cautiously. Ready to call Bobby with the happy juice if needed.

"I'm going to find some rope and hang myself from the Tree of Woe." He paused at the door. "I just have a few things to finish up in my office. I'll be back in a little bit." He went down to 5 and ducked into his office. He reached for a coffee mug and filled it with water. Then, he took out a packet of Alka-Seltzer and dropped the tablets into the water. He sat silently staring at the Wall of Shame listening to the fizzing. A smile came over his face.

"I thought you'd like it," Steph told him from the doorway. Joe's picture had been added to the display. She climbed into his lap and laid her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. Now, he no longer had the smallest penis. Thank you, Gabby!

"Where's the artist?"

"With Ella."

"Tell me….what the hell does _manscaping_ have to do with _vampires_?" He felt her body shaking.

"In that JR Ward series that I read, the vampires are all well endowed and have no…uh…hair. I don't know where she heard that one, but I sure didn't tell her." Ranger gulped his Alka-Seltzer. "I just got a call about dinner reservations tomorrow night. What's that about?" Ranger looked sheepish.

"**I thought that you deserved**…**I don't know. A date or something. Something normal**." She kissed his forehead. "**Dumb idea, I know. I should stick to what I'm good at. I'd be better off teaching you how to kill**." He took her hand in his and kissed it. "Babe, I don't know how I'm going to make it. She's only 3 and a half and knows about penises, 'ginas, and now manscaping. It's only going to get worse from here. And she's going to be with Tank…._and Lula_ tomorrow. I'm actually a little scared."

"I think you can handle it. We're lucky. She's warm, sweet, and caring. Everyone loves her. She's very smart. And…she's healthy. That outweighs all the other stuff." He nodded and laid his head against hers. "Besides…you have to make it. The _three_ of us are going to need you." She felt him stiffen.

"Three?"

"The doctor's office called back. They made a mistake. I am pregnant."

THE END…..for now…..this story will pick up with the next Gabby story.


	5. Chapter 5

Justice for Kathy

By jerseygirlinoxford (sue)

Trenton Police Detective Joseph Morelli was attacked by his wife, Kathy, after being caught with another prostitute on Stark Street last night. Kathy castrated her husband then disposed of the offending part after driving off in Morelli's brand new pick-up truck. A search team, which consisted of Trenton Police and hound dogs, found his penis in a bunch of bushes approximately 1 mile from their residence.

Kathy turned herself into police and confessed to the crime. Her bail money was raised by Stephanie Manoso and Terri Gillman. Apparently, Joe Morelli had been a long time womanizer and left a trail of broken hearts and STDs. Kathy was made a local hero after being acquitted for the attack. She made several guest appearances on The View, Regis, David Letterman, and Ellen. Kathy has a book coming out at the end of this year.

Joe Morelli lost his job with the Trenton Police Department. Although surgeons were able to reattach his penis, it never worked again. That and most women did not want to be fucked with a 1 inch dick. Kathy has been immortalized with statues and a new line of cooking knives bearing her name and likeness. Kathy will forever be remembered in the following song:

(Sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies)

Here's a little story 'bout a man named Joe

A Trenton Detective that was always with a ho

And got caught one night cheatin' on his wife

Kathy lopped off his schlong with a swipe of a knife

…..penis that is

…..rodeod

…..filleted

Well the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side

And Kathy's in the car takin' Willie for a ride

Soon she got tired of her purple-headed friend

And she tossed him out the window as she went around a bend

…..curve that is

…..pricker shrubs

…..wheel hubs

She ran to Eddie Gazzara and confessed to the attack

Eddie called out the hounds just to get Joe's weenie back

They sniffed and they peed and they pointed over there

To Joe Morelli's Henry that was waving in the air

…..found that is

…..by a fence

…..evidence

Now Pete and Joe couldn't stay apart too long

So a dick-doc said Hey I can fix your dong

A needle and a thread just the thing you're gonna need

Then they all held their breath

Till they heard Morelli'd peed

…..whiz that is

…..stitched seam

…..straight stream

Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court

But Kathy just laughed because his assets came up short

They clear her of assault and acquitted him of rape

Because Morelli's 1 inch pecker didn't show up on the tape

…..video that is

…..unexposed

…..case closed

Y'all sleep on your stomachs now, ya hear!


End file.
